


I Always Wanted To Be Abducted By Aliens

by satincolt



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Gen, Kerberos Mission, Literally don't look at me this isn't my fault, The Nut Button
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-17 23:12:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16983603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satincolt/pseuds/satincolt
Summary: Shiro smuggles a Nut Button to Kerberos.  Matt is less than pleased, but still impressed.





	I Always Wanted To Be Abducted By Aliens

**Author's Note:**

> You can thank sitcos, underland_weird, and pervysloth's pre-s8 IG live for this, because someone suggested it there, I jokingly said I'd do it, and they told me to. So I did.

“I don’t know how the hell you sneaked that past the Garrison and I don’t know whether I should be impressed, or furious,” Matt levels a withering glare at Shiro across the tiny living space of the Kerberos lander.  Shiro locks eyes with Matt and extends one hand slowly with the same air of a cat about to smugly destroy a vase, then presses the smuggled blue plastic button sitting on the ledge next to him.

_ “Nut,”  _ the button intones mechanically, for about the 80th time that trip.  Matt presses his fist against his mouth, still locked in a staring contest with his best friend, unsure of whether to cry or scream.

“How has it not run out of batteries?” he blurts.

“Don’t underestimate the power of—”  _ “—nut,”  _ Shiro responds loftily.  “I packed spares.”

“Again,  _ how did you get that on this ship,”  _ Matt demands.

“I disassembled it, stashed it in my electrostim equipment, and the techs didn’t look too closely.  While you and Sam were still asleep, I put it back together.” Shiro shrugs.

“The techs didn’t notice a  _ blue plastic button cover that says ‘NUT’?”  _ Matt yells, and Shiro just shrugs again.  “Don’t—”

_ “Nut.” _

_ “No!” _

Shiro almost breaks his composure, a smile pulling hard on the edges of his mouth, but he pushes it back down at the last moment. 

“I can’t stand you,” Matt spits with no real venom.  Right then, Sam ducks through the low door to peer at the two in the living space.

“Suit up, boys, we’re about to go outside to collect ice samples!” He gives them both a bright grin, completely aware of the meme-induced tension fizzling between the two.  Then he disappears to don his own suit.

Matt makes the mistake of glancing back at Shiro, like he’d naively assumed Shiro wouldn’t hit the nut button after the announcement.

_ “Nut.” _

_ “You’re not my friend,”  _ Matt hisses with narrowed eyes, and leaves the living space with Shiro’s raucous laughter at his back.

 

 

“You’re a child, you know that, right?” Matt asks as the three of them half-walk, half-bound across the frozen surface of Kerberos, enjoying the bounciness of low gravity.  Theoretically, the mics in their suits are open at all times for free communication with each other and with the Garrison back on Earth. However, Matt jerry-rigged switches in his and Shiro’s that make them two-way with each other, so they could goof off without irritating Sam too much, or catching flack from Admiral Sanda thousands of miles away.

_ “Nut,”  _ crackles over the line, even more mechanical and low-quality than hearing it in person.  Matt is simultaneously struck with the realization that Shiro, the genius, had deep-fried a meme in real life, and that he was going to  _ murder  _ Takashi Shirogane once they got back into the lander for sneaking the god-forsaken nut button into his spacesuit.

“How do you even have that in there?  It can’t be in your hand—” Matt starts, then turns to see Shiro wearing the most shit-eating of grins, with the nut button stuck to the inside of his helmet.  Right in front of Matt’s poor eyes, he tips his head sideways and mashes his cheek into the button.

_ “Nut,”  _ it drones again.  Matt turns around and runs away, switching his radio back to all-channels open.

“This looks like a good spot,” Sam tells him once he catches up, and Matt plunks down the ice core extractor.  Shiro arrives to help him with it, and as the two are kneeling to drive the legs of the tripod into the frozen ground, Shiro taps on the outside of his helmet.  Matt knows he’s trying to get him to switch to the private frequency so that Shiro can torment him more with the damned button, so he resolutely shakes his head.

Shiro only taps his helmet more insistently, so Matt shakes his head more insistently, and somehow Sam is too absorbed in the datapad to notice them.  The two get the core extractor in working order without any further memeing, then Shiro finally switches over to the all-channels open mic. Matt breathes a sigh of relief, knowing the nut button is out of play for a little while for fear of the wrath of the Garrison’s governing bodies.

“Alright men, let’s get this ice sample!” Sam says cheerily, so Matt gets to work.  Not even Shiro’s blasphemous meme button can ruin the thrill that runs through his body as he, Matthew Holt, is the first human ever to core the ancient, alien ice on the surface of Kerberos.  The core glitters in the way no normal ice would as he pulls it out of the extractor, his heart pounding in his own ears. He barely hears his father’s unnecessary warning to be careful, as if he’d do anything to endanger the incredible diamond-like ice in his hands anyways.

Then a shadow swoops down on them, snuffing out the glittering fire in the ice right in front of Matt.  He looks up in alarm, Sam shouting to run over the radio, and realizes Shiro is standing completely still.

“Shiro!” Matt shouts, dropping the ice to grab Shiro’s arm.  Purple light surrounds them, gravity dropping away suddenly, and through it all, the only thing Matt hears is,

_ “Nut.” _


End file.
